Story from Katty A. Solórzano
When I was 32 I was a first-time mother-to-be. I was also orphaned for a year, and separated from my baby’s father from the first month of pregnancy. On the other hand, I was professional, had a steady and dream new job, had a home of my own, and a great best friend who was a mother of two.
My obstetrician became maybe the closest friend I had; our monthly interview was a balm to my loneliness, and being the father of four kids at that time, he used to have plenty of anecdotes to share. All of them relieved the most basic fear you face in that part of your life: Will I be a good Mom?
As you can imagine, if such a person, who has been giving you solace for five months, ends the sonogram with a worry he cannot hide, you just start to tremble. My doctor went to his chair, typed something on my file, and faced me, his voice was deep, heavy, and seemed to come from afar: “I’m afraid your baby is not growing. She is maturing, but she has the same weight and size as last month. We need an Echo-Doppler, more supplements, and a review of your daily habits and diet from dawn to dusk”. I felt guilty, lost, and alienated. I wasn’t the same happy expectant person that entered there 30 minutes before.
The Echo-Doppler wasn’t at all common 20 years ago, we had to wait a week to schedule it. In the meantime my common pregnancy supplements were doubled, some for the specific muscle growth of the fetus were added, but above all, we worked on my habits and belief system.
The first struggle was all on my mind. I was a young, fresh university professor within a very strict training program. I just simply couldn’t stop working till the Doctor said these terrible and magical words: “You are not working in your dream job 12 hours a day, you are forcing your unborn baby to do it with you, she having the 90% of the burden to carry because she is not as big and strong as you are”.
You spend your life forging your body, identity, dreams, concepts of life, responsibility, and success but you only have a few months to completely change all that for the sake of the baby.
The Echo-Doppler said the baby’s heart, lungs, and main organs were fine, she was ok but small, thin, and she was tired. I learned to take naps, to don’t get along with whatever was on the fridge, to plan every meal, to eat sitting, focused on the food, and not while working.
I changed workbooks for pregnancy magazines, turned off the phone after 9:00 pm, and didn’t check work emails on weekends. My belly expanded and my mind as well.
I became softer with myself and ignored most of the problems at work, which came like an avalanche after I changed my habits, but I didn’t care because my baby was growing.
Amanda, my baby, never reached the 3 kilograms the Doctor wanted: I was 42 weeks on a prolonged pregnancy. She is 19 now, a skilled Orchestra musician, still having problems gaining weight, but she is fine.
I am fine too, that accelerated course on putting my motherhood first and that amazing friend my Doctor was at that key time of our lives, made the miracle to change my mind for the better. We all can do it, and we have to.