Story by Christine C.
I was 24 years old and complaining to my best friend over a cheap bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes about how I was late. Our cycles were synced, and she had already had hers.
I decided that same night to get a pregnancy test. I couldn’t be pregnant, right? I had just bought a fresh pack of pills and I was pretty sure I’d taken it on time.
I put a few droplets of my pee on the HCG cassette test and happily smoked my cigarette, the picture of confidence.
Well, you know how they say that the pill is only 98% effective? I was lucky enough to be part of the 2%. I stared down at the two red lines screaming, “DING DING DING! You’re with child! Time to grow the hell up!”
I started to crave weird stuff. I wanted apple iced tea. I wanted chocolate milkshakes. I wanted soy sauce with vinegar and a lot of bird’s eye chilies over my white rice. I wanted egg pie (it’s a cheesecake/flan hybrid type of dessert) in the middle of a stormy night. And then, after my first trimester was over, my cravings were gone.
As much as I would say I had an easy pregnancy, it wasn’t. I was not ready financially, which messed with my emotions. A lot of nights, I would cry myself to sleep because I thought I didn’t deserve this child. I had nine months to prepare for everything that I needed, and I barely made it.
I was not a teen mom, but I was a freelance writer that only got paid peanuts. I got too cocky about never missing a pill, completely forgetting that there’s still a 2% chance of it not working. I struggled every month to scrape enough money together to get to prenatal checkups, buy my vitamins, and to buy baby essentials. Somehow, I managed to make things work in my favor.
Throughout my pregnancy, I had oligohydramnios—for those who don’t like big words, it’s essentially being pregnant with less than the normal amount of amniotic fluid. My doctor had already prepared me for different scenarios. My baby could have kidney issues, she could have fetal deformities, and she may die in utero. It was difficult to keep my kid’s father interested in the pregnancy. To him, it was already a lost cause. He didn’t want to get too attached in case the worst happened. He didn’t have the same optimism that I had. But I guess that’s normal with mothers. Moms will fight tooth and nail to make sure their kids will get the best chances in life. We will always find hope, regardless of how tiny it is.
That’s why I fought so hard to be able to pay for tests when I was pregnant. My anxiety was at an all-time high, but it would always calm me down whenever I got the results that my baby was normal. I bet on myself and my baby, and I’m proud to say that we won. We beat the odds.
My daughter’s birth story is a whole different level of crazy. But I think it was necessary because she survived with no deformities. She was completely normal. No health problems at all.
She has developed an attitude problem now that she’s four years old, but that’s something I’d take any day over having her sick in the hospital!